How to Tell People Your Pronouns — and How to Deal with Bullying About Gender Expression

The decision to share your pronouns is a deeply personal one, and the anxiety around it is entirely understandable. Whether you are stepping into a new environment, asking established friends or family to use different pronouns, or navigating a school or workplace that has never dealt with this before, the practical and emotional challenges are real. This page offers practical guidance — and addresses the anxiety that frequently accompanies these experiences.

How to Tell People Your Pronouns

There is no single right way, and your approach can be tailored to the situation:

• In new settings: Introducing yourself with your name and pronouns ('Hi, I'm Alex, I use they/them pronouns') is increasingly normalised in many environments and is often the simplest approach
• In existing relationships: A direct, calm conversation usually works best. Choose a quiet moment, be clear about what you are asking, and give the other person time to process. Most people, when approached thoughtfully, make genuine efforts
• In writing: An email or message can be easier than a face-to-face conversation, particularly with people you expect will need time to adjust
• Via a trusted intermediary: In some contexts — particularly schools — it can help to have a trusted teacher or counsellor introduce the topic to others on your behalf
• For work or formal settings: Many organisations have processes for updating name and pronoun records in HR systems. Your manager or HR team can often help facilitate this

When People Get It Wrong

Misgendering — the use of incorrect pronouns — is often unintentional, particularly from people who have known you for a long time. How to respond depends on the relationship and context: a calm, brief correction ('Actually, I use they/them') is usually most effective and least likely to create defensiveness. With persistent or deliberate misgendering, a more direct conversation about why it matters to you may be needed.

Dealing with Bullying About Gender Expression

Bullying about gender expression — whether in person or online — is harmful, wrong, and unfortunately common. If you are experiencing it:

• Tell a trusted adult — a parent, teacher, or school counsellor. You should not have to manage bullying alone, and schools have legal obligations to address it
• Document it — keep records of incidents, particularly for online bullying, as this supports any formal complaint
• Protect your mental health — limit exposure to online environments where bullying is occurring; consider blocking or muting where appropriate
• Find your community — connection with others who share your experience, whether in person or through reputable online communities, significantly reduces the isolation that bullying creates
• Seek support — organisations including Stonewall (stonewall.org.uk) and Gendered Intelligence (genderedintelligence.co.uk) offer support for young people experiencing discrimination

When Anxiety Becomes the Problem

Bullying and repeated social invalidation can sensitise the brain's alarm centre, creating an anxiety disorder that persists even after the bullying has stopped. Signs that this has happened include: continuing to feel intense anxiety in social situations after leaving the bullying environment, hypervigilance for signs of rejection in new relationships, difficulty trusting that new environments will be safe, and persistent intrusive thoughts about past incidents.

This is a recognised pattern, and it is fully treatable. The Linden Method has helped 650,000 people recover completely from anxiety disorders — including those whose anxiety originated in experiences of discrimination, social rejection, and bullying. Recovery means the past no longer dictates how safe the present feels.